Coming Soon! Estate Planning: Choosing the Hill You Will Die On

Coming Soon! Estate Planning: Picking a Hill to Die On

Also known as pissing off your family from beyond the grave

Feeding Your Parasites

⭐⭐

Rating: 1.5 out of 5.

Rule 1: Hydrate

Slimming Hydration Recipe

Prep time: minimal, though it will need a few days to steep so plan accordingly
Cost: $$ key components can already be found in your bathroom cabinet, but pick up some Grade A dark maple syrup and a bag of organic lemons the next time you are at the store.
Results? oh, yes! 

Fill a tall glass full of sparkling, refreshing water and dip your toothbrush in it. Place it on your nightstand and let sit for 2-3 days.

After a few days, add in 4 tablespoons of maple syrup. If there's one thing I've read about the ecosystem living inside you is that these mf'ers love sugar!

By day five, your drink should be brimming with disgusting, healthy bacteria. Place in some freshly squeezed lemon juice. Gulp it down quickly to feed your little stomach monsters, those guys are hungry!

You’ll thank me later.

Bottoms up!

PS this is not real, do not actually try this okay?

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Score	__________	Overall
	3 points	Flawless
	2 Points	Minor scratches
	1 Point	Moderate chips, dents, or surface rust
	0 Points	Damaged, major dents, paint flaws, missing parts, or major rust
Score	__________	Medical
	3 points	Current, complete, appears much younger than stated age
	2 Points	Current, incomplete, appears consistent with stated age
	1 Point	Overdue, no records, unvaccinated, appears much older than stated age, or annual medical deductible not met
	0 Points	True mileage unknown or defective odometer
Score	__________	Interview and  summary of  personal/professional documents and titles
	3 points	Consistent, all or mostly truthful
	2 Points	Somewhat truthful, vague or evasive when pressed for details
	1 Point	Clearly lying  and/or inebriated
	0 Points	Uncooperative, incoherent, or comatose
Score	__________	Body Work
	3 points	None
	2 Points	Minor cosmetic paint
	1 Point	Some dent removal or touch ups
	0 Points	Significant amount of paint and/or body work
Score	__________	Integumentary
	3 points	Clean/like new
	2 Points	Minimal wear
	1 Point	Stained/faded/worn
	0 Points	Torn/burned/cracked/missing
Score	__________	Odor
	3 points	None
	2 Points	Faint
	1 Point	Obvious
	0 Points	Suspect decomposition present
Score	__________	Interior
	3 points	Fully functional
	2 Points	Functional with minor fault(s)
	1 Point	Repairs needed
	0 Points	Salvage/parts only
Subtotal	__________

________ Subtotal from Section 1

_______  Marital Status  (2 Clean title,   1 Rental, commercial, 0 Salvage, rebuilt salvage, flood, etc.)

_______ +1 Rechargeable batteries

_______ +1 Toilet trained

________ Credit Score

_________ Checking account balance

_______ -1 Dietary restrictions

_______ Subtract number of ICD 10 diagnosis codes

_______________ TOTAL * 1 US dollar Subtotal 2

______________ Subtotal 2 * US Dollar Index

_______________ cryptocurrency exchange

= BITCOIN BMI

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Working Out in Jean Shorts

Shape Your Body like it is 1992 and Radu is your personal trainer. You are wearing jean shorts. He is wearing windpants. No tradesies.

No excuses. Everyone has ten minutes.