Feeding Your Parasites

Rating: 1.5 out of 5.
Rule 1: Hydrate
Slimming Hydration Recipe

Prep time: minimal, though it will need a few days to steep so plan accordingly
Cost: $$ key components can already be found in your bathroom cabinet, but pick up some Grade A dark maple syrup and a bag of organic lemons the next time you are at the store.
Results? oh, yes! 

Fill a tall glass full of sparkling, refreshing water and dip your toothbrush in it. Place it on your nightstand and let sit for 2-3 days.

After a few days, add in 4 tablespoons of maple syrup. If there's one thing I've read about the ecosystem living inside you is that these mf'ers love sugar!

By day five, your drink should be brimming with disgusting, healthy bacteria. Place in some freshly squeezed lemon juice. Gulp it down quickly to feed your little stomach monsters, those guys are hungry!

You’ll thank me later.

Bottoms up!

PS this is not real, do not actually try this okay?

You and Your Guts

or 61 Days Until Coachella!

I assume you have all been wisely hibernating these winter months away. Smart choice! So have I. Those extra pounds you put on from stuffing yourself full of Halloween candy served you well! But now it’s time to get back on track and start thinking about your beach body!

But wait! Before you dust off that old Nautilus in the garage and crank up the Nazareth, I want to make sure you know about you and your gut health!

If you even sort of pay attention to all those YouTube commercials, you know there are many, many experts out there on how you and your parasites may or may not be affecting your health. But allow me to throw my hat in the ring, yes?

If this all bums you out, don’t worry. We will all be dead soon.

Stay Tuned for tomorrow’s post:

Cooking and Caring for Your Parasites

References

Because science.

-Bridgette, Instatritionist*

*Please note Bridgette holds no relevant authority or substantive scientific education beyond the publishing wisdom of Conde Naste, but damn, she looks hot holding a smoothie, right?? Please continue to send her your money.

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June 26th: Lies, Lies, and More Lies