61 Days Until Coachella!
I assume you have all been wisely hibernating these winter months away. Smart choice! So have I. Those extra pounds you put on from stuffing yourself full of Halloween candy served you well! But now it’s time to get back on track and start
thinking about your beach body!
But wait! Before you dust off that old Nautilus in the garage and crank up the Nazareth, I want to make sure you know about you and
your gut health!
If you even sort of pay attention to al
l those YouTube commercials, you know there are many, many experts out there on how you and your parasites may or may not be affecting your health. But allow me to throw my hat in the ring, yes?
If this all bums you out, don’t worry. We will all be dead soon. Stay Tuned for tomorrow’s post:
Cooking and Caring for Your Parasites
*Please note Bridgette holds no relevant authority or substantive scientific education beyond the publishing wisdom of Conde Naste, but damn, she looks hot holding a smoothie, right?? Please continue to send her your money.
61 Days Until Coachella!
Beach body ready? This guy is a definite glow UP!
For Office Use Only:
Score __________ Overall 3 points Flawless 2 Points Minor scratches 1 Point Moderate chips, dents, or surface rust 0 Points Damaged, major dents, paint flaws, missing parts, or major rust Score __________ Medical 3 points Current, complete, appears much younger than stated age 2 Points Current, incomplete, appears consistent with stated age 1 Point Overdue, no records, unvaccinated, appears much older than stated age, or annual medical deductible not met 0 Points True mileage unknown or defective odometer Score __________ Interview and summary of personal/professional documents and titles 3 points Consistent, all or mostly truthful 2 Points Somewhat truthful, vague or evasive when pressed for details 1 Point Clearly lying and/or inebriated 0 Points Uncooperative, incoherent, or comatose Score __________ Body Work 3 points None 2 Points Minor cosmetic paint 1 Point Some dent removal or touch ups 0 Points Significant amount of paint and/or body work Score __________ Integumentary 3 points Clean/like new 2 Points Minimal wear 1 Point Stained/faded/worn 0 Points Torn/burned/cracked/missing Score __________ Odor 3 points None 2 Points Faint 1 Point Obvious 0 Points Suspect decomposition present Score __________ Interior 3 points Fully functional 2 Points Functional with minor fault(s) 1 Point Repairs needed 0 Points Salvage/parts only Subtotal __________
________ Subtotal from Section 1 _______ Marital Status (2 Clean title, 1 Rental, commercial, 0 Salvage, rebuilt salvage, flood, etc.) _______ +1 Rechargeable batteries _______ +1 Toilet trained ________ Credit Score _________ Checking account balance _______ -1 Dietary restrictions _______ Subtract number of ICD 10 diagnosis codes _______________ TOTAL * 1 US dollar Subtotal 2 ______________ Subtotal 2 * US Dollar Index _______________ cryptocurrency exchange = BITCOIN BMI
Incomplete/More information Required:
Shape Your Body like it is 1992 and Radu is your personal trainer. You are wearing jean shorts. He is wearing windpants. No tradesies.
No excuses. Everyone has ten minutes.