Not waving but drowning. Don’t worry, presumably help is on the way.

Jennifer Van Orman is an artist and writer from Maine. ​She lives in Virginia and has several projects ongoing, some of which she will finish, and many that will be abandoned. She would describe herself as eclectic in tastes and interests. Less generous descriptions might include messy, inscrutable, and a tendency towards clutter and ennui that can make it uncomfortable to share space with her. She hopes a genuine love of comedy saves her from being insufferable but understands this is unlikely, especially after she tells you that she received an undergraduate degree in Art and an MFA in Creative Writing.

In addition to writing Your Bitcoin BMI and Scope & Horror, she owns an online gallery and shop called The Anatomy of Melancholy. Some of her poems are published out there online, mainly in Eclectica Magazine. She writes on Medium sometimes and has a cartoon series called Christopher’s Motorbike.

Zero percent* of this work contributes to her primary source of income, and her bank balance reflects this.

She collects ephemera, particularly board game and trading cards, Patron Saint prayer cards, vintage hotel postcards, photographs of swimming pools and divers, star charts, fortune-telling decks, shadow boxes, maps, and all sorts of things in miniature. She loves poetry, music, painting, mythology, illustration, graveyards, and junk shops. She especially loves bookmaking and crinkly paper.

Surprisingly, she has only read one of the Twilight novels.

In summary, it should be more than apparent that she is certified to give others life advice and appraise their overall value to humankind. I mean, insurance agents do it every day.

*okay it’s not zero, but it’s a very small number, probably starting with a decimal point

Also, she will assume you missed the reference to the beautiful poem in the photo caption above and judge your primary schooling district accordingly.